My Negative companion Anxiety and other toxic beasts
By Dale, an Involvement Partner at Nottinghamshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust
It seems anxiety had remained dormant in me following trauma in childhood. It awakened after a motorcycle accident during troubled times decades ago. There followed years of fighting demons and beasts, fending off the likes of panic attacks, panic disorder, phobia, obsessive compulsive disorder and other nasties including Anxiety which seemed to have fingers in all of my pies.
I fought on for years, sometimes alone, sometimes with others like my partner and occasionally with a therapist and for 18 years with my old friend Prozac who left me damaged. There were plenty of good things in my life during these times and I had people close to me plus interests and hobbies. I went on Adventures but there were often things I couldn’t do due to my fears.
Later in life and having had various therapies and benefited from being involved with volunteering with the NHS I realised the importance of self-help and learning.
Most of the Demons and beasts have been banished now but I still live with day-to-day anxiety which still does its best to get me worrying about this and that. Panic has become specific, and I know all its tricks, but I’ve learnt to accept it even inviting it in which helps to take some of its power away.
I’m seeing the benefit in trying to stay in the here and now where anxiety loosens its grip. I’m aware it likes to predict bad things, scary stories with negative outcomes which are mostly wrong, it loves to blow my concerns out of all proportion. Yes – a bad thing might happen but how could it know in advance.
Now I get out and about as much as possible. Whether its walking around where I live or travelling to the other side of the world, I’m looking for and noticing things around me, the beauty of trees and flowers the countryside, old buildings, the sky sun moon and best treat of all a coastline.
I used to have good and bad times but now I’m adding more very good times seeking awe and adventure.